my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
