The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
