You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
