Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
