you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my liver is dry heaving
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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