Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
