Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
