soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
