This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
