the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
