a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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