STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
