Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
