If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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