I faked an abortion last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize