I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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