So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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