I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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