i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
