A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize