i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
