When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
