I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
try to milk me bitch
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