My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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