Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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