Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
