my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
