haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drake has all the answers
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
