is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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