Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
