Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
