Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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