What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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