the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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