If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize