R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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