Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
