The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
