my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
