It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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