I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
