READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
