I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
