rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
