it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
