i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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