He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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