Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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