non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
