You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
