one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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