i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
