And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
