I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize