I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
