our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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