I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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