I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
