hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
