we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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