After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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