GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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