Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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