How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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