u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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