We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
