Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
