I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
