perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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