she was so not down for the gang bang
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize