Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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