Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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