Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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